Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Drop the Freaking Ball, Already!

I don't know about you but I am dumping 2013 like an elephant on a diet of prunes.

Yeah, sorry, 2013, but I am so over you, like a county cricket match that has gone on too many overs and nobody knocked a six and they ran out of beer and if I see one more LBW I'm am going to S.C.R.E.A.M!

Like, totally.

Cricket, who get's it?  I know, right?  Nobody.  But, you will find the odd (very odd) person who totes adorbs cricket and if you diss the wicket whacker or whatever he will totally cut you, or, at least, threaten to.  Or maybe just suggest it.  Or more likely have a passing thought along those lines as he gets into his Lexus to pick up something at IKEA.

IKR?  (I Know, Right?  Sure, your iPhone will suggest IKEA   e.v.e.r.y.  t.i.m.e.  and they call it a "smart" phone.  GMAFB!)

Smart phones think they're all amazeballs but they are more often cray-cray like your neighbor who puts up his Christmas decorations on Labor Day and has two bichon frises named Muffy and Duffy that you nicknamed Strangle and Dangle.  Ha, that gets me in the feels.  IKR?

So, on the Intertube the other day there was this ridiculous article about words and phrases you shouldn't use if you're over 30.

WTF?

I looked at the list and realized that I had only come across some of the words in the past week!  Could it be that our culture is moving along so quickly that in a week I could go from cool to fool?

A-pair-ent-lee.

It seems only yesterday that I read a similar article about phrases that went out of style 30 years ago, but that was written in 2005!  Whew, time flies and fruit flies like a banana.  Oh, wait, that was one of the phrases.

Oh, wait, "oh, wait" was one of the tired old phrases not to use any more.

Geeze, Louise, I feel like a 14-year old at a Justin Bieber concert.

Ah, this just in, Justin Bieber has FREAKING RETIRED.  Furthermore, stop using the word "freaking" and turn off your CAPS LOCK.

Srsly, I can't handle it.

News flash, "srsly" is out along with "orly."  ORLY, I didn't know that.  I need to put fresh batteries in my news flasher.

"Flasher," that was probably a faux pas.

Speaking French, probably a no-no or as they say in gay Paree, "non-non."

OK, this is killing me.  I tote adorbs the olden days when we said "far out" and "right on, sister" because those thing Meant Something.  Like "groovy" and "what's your sign, baby?"  Heavy stuff, man, heavy.

Nearing the bottom line, I sort of like the phrase "totes adorbs" if for no other reason I have no idea what it means but if I use it people will either think I'm with it or out of it.  I'm cool either way.

And, you know, catch phrases come and go but, you know, it's cool.

Cool.  Timeless.



1 comment:

amymangrum1 said...

You are the funniest man alive! High Larry Us! I totes adore you! #2014toasttoBill